I must be weird then. My first thought of the day is, "God, please let something happen to me today so I can stay away from work." or "Is this going to be the day that I finally collapse and someone takes me to the hospital, therefore finding out what is trully wrong with me at long last?"

Of course, the last thought of night is, "When I wake up -if I do- will I still be able to walk?"

I've never really held any illusions of safety. In fact, sometimes I hope not to be, because to me my life sucks so bad that I wouldn't mind getting hit by something. Of course, I'm also one to say, "Don't worry, I won't die. I'm not that lucky." Seeing as I've had many spots in life where I should have, but didn't, so this makes me think there must be a reason I'm alive. Something that makes me special enough to not have died at birth like I should have...

But I'm also someone who leans on her angels, spirit guides, other divinities, and God almost consistantly through the day. I know they won't let anything happen to me unless God wills it, so I know I'm safe because of this strange inner knowledge that I have at least two good years left in me. Past that...I'm not so sure.

You know, I was never reckless enough to jump in front of a subway. There's not any around here for one, and for two, think of the people who'd have to clean you up. Or the child who's on the subway looking out, and suddenly gets a window covered in bits of human. That's got to be highly traumatic. I couldn't do that to someone. Also, they'd have to stop service to investigate and scrape you off the walls and that would make everyone's life hell that day.

Gaudior-san, you have to stop making me think. I ramble too much when you do that. Tsk tsk. :)