The Great Uke-Off of '07

[gaudior]

So, as a person in a same-sex relationship, I've always been amused/appalled by the insistence of slash and yaoi writers that one person in such a relationship must be the top in bed, at all times. It doesn't make sense. I know a very few people in relationships where this is usually the case, but even then it always seems so much more flexible than the writers make it out to be.

So, in order to deconstruct the idea a bit (as well as because I thought it would be fun last night at about 3am*) I am proposing the Great Uke-Off. (This is inspired by the Anime Emo Awards, which were just awesome.) Basically: I'm going to list frequently-slashed couples in all manner of fandoms (anime, live-action, books, etc), and ask you, o gentle readers, to vote on which member of the couple tops. Then in the next round, I'm going to pair all the resulting tops with each other, and ask you to vote on which member of each new pair tops (and pair all the resulting bottoms, ditto). And so on and so forth, until we have the Ultimate Uke and the, um, Supreme Seme. Or something along those lines.

You're welcome to only do the ones you know, or the ones you could even vaguely conceivably see as this being conceivable. You are also welcome to explain your logic in the comments, or make suggestions as to other pairs, or such.



[Poll #1111934]


Rejected fandoms: Hunter x Hunter (they're too young, even though Killua totally tops, and Gon totally love it), ANY HOBBITS OF ANY KIND, Rousseau x Diderot (too obvious), Kira x Lacus (she totally tops. But she's all a girl and stuff.), Battlestar Galactica (So much het! Though I would totally argue that Starbuck tops Apollo.)



I shall post the next round tomorrow (Friday) at noonish. Voting is now closed. Go vote on today's!

* Okay, yes, I did have a fever. And still do. But I'm sure that has nothing whatsoever to do with it. Really.

Comments

[seishonagon.livejournal.com]

*brain leaks out of ears*
That essay is fantastic. But the fics it spawns... just a couple of these lines made me think of stories:

We may speculate that she smells wrong, less like a kryptonian woman than like a terrestrial monkey.

This is one of the best explanations I've ever seen for Superman's lack of sexual interest. Can you imagine him trying to explain this?

A biological ability must be used. As a child Superman may never have known that things had surfaces, until he learned to suppress his X-ray vision.

What a concept! The psychology of this... would be amazing.

(*One can imagine that the Kent home in Smallville was riddled with holes during Superboy's puberty. And why did Lana Lang never notice that?*)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Um. Right.

Superman must first ejaculate, then fly frantically after the stuff to catch it in a test tube.

Again, I say, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This is quite possibly the most ridiculous image of Superman I've ever seen described.

Metropolis is shaken by tiny sonic booms. Wormholes, charred by meteoric heat, sprout magically in all kinds of things: plate glass, masonry, antique ceramics, electric mixers, wood, household pets, and citizens. Some of the sperm will crack lightspeed. The Metropolis night comes alive with a network of narrow, eerie blue lines of Cherenkov radiation.

And women whom Superman has never met find themselves in a delicate condition.

WOW. This has got to be an incredible concept for a really embarrassing fic.

Several thousand lawsuits would follow. Not that Superman can't afford to pay. There's a trick where you squeeze a lump of coal into its allotropic diamond form...

Part of me wants to see Superman paying child support for several thousand children.

The mind boggles at the image of a pregnant Superman cruising the skies of Metropolis. Batman would refuse to be seen with him; strange new jokes would circulate the prisons...and the race of Krypton would be safe at last.

I... um. Larry Niven has just written a plausible mpreg. I. Don't quite know what to think of this.

Other than, again, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.