Hm. Lemme think, because you raise some very good points.
The first is that yeah, I totally don't know as much about the uses of self-injury as I should. So I'm speculating wildly, and let me know if I say anything really offensive as I try to understand (I'm trying not to, but see above re: ignorance). I think it's true, actually, that self-injury may fuck up your life less than fighting others, as it doesn't lead to possible jail time. And I do think that hurting people is bad for your soul, and hurts your sense of empathy. And I think that fighting others can be a cover for hating yourself, and that while your therapists waste time trying to help you not hurt people, they do nothing about the underlying problem (I've totally got a client for whom that's the case, and so with whom I spend much less time on "don't fight!" than I think the school administration would like).
On the other hand, I've got kids who are angry/depressed because their lives suck, for reasons completely out of their control. And with them... well, this may be my Xena-watching prejudices coming out, but I love to hear a girl tell me "I'm not scared. I can take care of myself." It's not always true-- they have a lot to be scared of-- but there does seem to be a certain confidence that comes with being able to beat someone until s/he backs down. And that confidence will be incredibly useful when they're trying to make their lives what they want of them. One of the clients with whom I feel I've had the most success is someone who used to fight a lot, and has been able to learn to take the energy she used to put into fighting and use it to reach her other goals (academic and relationship and family-related). But I think that the work we did there was to look at fighting, and how it gave her a sense of power and control, and then look for other ways she can feel the same way. I don't think we could have done that particular piece of work if she hadn't already laid the groundwork by fighting. So... it's complicated.
I think you also make a good point that "other populations self-injure in more private and insidious ways and are less public about it," because that's absolutely what I saw. When it's easy to go out and overdose, or get shot in a driveby, then self-injury becomes pretty easy-- all you have to do is be a little more "careless" than you usually would. And I think we do see a lot of that, where people don't want to deal with the "shame" of suicide, but if they take risky behaviors, their epitaph will just be that they were dumb (and much missed).
So, yeah. And thank you for making me think, and for being really open. And I would really like to hear more about how self-injury works as a tool, if you feel like talking about it.
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branchandroot
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-11 03:27 pm (UTC)The first is that yeah, I totally don't know as much about the uses of self-injury as I should. So I'm speculating wildly, and let me know if I say anything really offensive as I try to understand (I'm trying not to, but see above re: ignorance). I think it's true, actually, that self-injury may fuck up your life less than fighting others, as it doesn't lead to possible jail time. And I do think that hurting people is bad for your soul, and hurts your sense of empathy. And I think that fighting others can be a cover for hating yourself, and that while your therapists waste time trying to help you not hurt people, they do nothing about the underlying problem (I've totally got a client for whom that's the case, and so with whom I spend much less time on "don't fight!" than I think the school administration would like).
On the other hand, I've got kids who are angry/depressed because their lives suck, for reasons completely out of their control. And with them... well, this may be my Xena-watching prejudices coming out, but I love to hear a girl tell me "I'm not scared. I can take care of myself." It's not always true-- they have a lot to be scared of-- but there does seem to be a certain confidence that comes with being able to beat someone until s/he backs down. And that confidence will be incredibly useful when they're trying to make their lives what they want of them. One of the clients with whom I feel I've had the most success is someone who used to fight a lot, and has been able to learn to take the energy she used to put into fighting and use it to reach her other goals (academic and relationship and family-related). But I think that the work we did there was to look at fighting, and how it gave her a sense of power and control, and then look for other ways she can feel the same way. I don't think we could have done that particular piece of work if she hadn't already laid the groundwork by fighting. So... it's complicated.
I think you also make a good point that "other populations self-injure in more private and insidious ways and are less public about it," because that's absolutely what I saw. When it's easy to go out and overdose, or get shot in a driveby, then self-injury becomes pretty easy-- all you have to do is be a little more "careless" than you usually would. And I think we do see a lot of that, where people don't want to deal with the "shame" of suicide, but if they take risky behaviors, their epitaph will just be that they were dumb (and much missed).
So, yeah. And thank you for making me think, and for being really open. And I would really like to hear more about how self-injury works as a tool, if you feel like talking about it.