I don't think that anger is ok. Sometimes it is justified. But however you express it--with loud yells, or verbal sniping, or even just with a quiet talk of the this-made-me-angry-let's-work-on-it variety with someone you care about--it is the symptom of something important that is broken or breaking, and needs to be fixed. The thing that is important and breaking needs to be fixed; the anger will leave.
An example: I am very angry right now with the government's actions as a whole. Is this ok? No. (The anger hurts me). Is it justified? Yes. Is it making me do stuff? Sure; it is even useful. But it is never non-harming. It points to something broken or breaking.
I also think that anger is threatening in and of itself; it threatens the wellbeing of the person feeling it, if nothing else.
Currently, I am working on two things: - Reminding myself that the emotion of anger does not have to be connected to physical and verbal violence (and, in fact, physical violence can be much more effective when it is disconnected from anger). - Reminding myself that the anger I feel can hurt others even when it is not mine, theirs, about them, or directed at them or even myself.
I think these are worthwhile things.
-- why is the person being so inconsiderate as to be angry when it makes me uncomfortable?
I also think a world in which everyone really asked themselves this question would be a world in which things were really genuinely fixed, and in which everyone would have less muscle tension. Instead of people getting angry at the other person being angry, they could see an underlying cause to the anger, work on dealing with that, and see the other person as a person instead of a little ball of spit and flame. Anger is a tool that makes people uncomfortable so they can do something about what is causing them discomfort and the anger will go away, but so many people see the anger as an end rather than a means. --
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branchandroot
Anger
Date: 2006-06-22 12:20 am (UTC)I don't think that anger is ok.
Sometimes it is justified.
But however you express it--with loud yells, or verbal sniping, or even just with a quiet talk of the this-made-me-angry-let's-work-on-it variety with someone you care about--it is the symptom of something important that is broken or breaking, and needs to be fixed.
The thing that is important and breaking needs to be fixed; the anger will leave.
An example: I am very angry right now with the government's actions as a whole. Is this ok? No. (The anger hurts me).
Is it justified? Yes.
Is it making me do stuff? Sure; it is even useful.
But it is never non-harming. It points to something broken or breaking.
I also think that anger is threatening in and of itself; it threatens the wellbeing of the person feeling it, if nothing else.
Currently, I am working on two things:
- Reminding myself that the emotion of anger does not have to be connected to physical and verbal violence (and, in fact, physical violence can be much more effective when it is disconnected from anger).
- Reminding myself that the anger I feel can hurt others even when it is not mine, theirs, about them, or directed at them or even myself.
I think these are worthwhile things.
--
why is the person being so inconsiderate as to be angry when it makes me uncomfortable?
I also think a world in which everyone really asked themselves this question would be a world in which things were really genuinely fixed, and in which everyone would have less muscle tension.
Instead of people getting angry at the other person being angry, they could see an underlying cause to the anger, work on dealing with that, and see the other person as a person instead of a little ball of spit and flame.
Anger is a tool that makes people uncomfortable so they can do something about what is causing them discomfort and the anger will go away, but so many people see the anger as an end rather than a means.
--
Thoughts?