On Why Shrinks Are Shrinks
Sep. 26th, 2012 10:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gaudiorI don't know whether this is true for all shrinks. It definitely is true for me. And... it feels true, given what I've seen of other people. But:
Shrinks become shrinks because we've seen how terrible the world can be, how much people can be hurt and hurt each other, and it scared us. We desperately want to know how to deal.*
When we're doing it wrong, we pick a theory or technique and cling to it as The Answer. We try to use our clients (and ourselves) to prove, over and over, that we're right-- this is the way, this this is how to fix it. And when our clients don't do as we say and get better, we react... badly.
When we're doing it right, we trust our clients to show us. We ask each person for their story, the particular way that the world and other people and they themselves hurt them. And we trust that with support, encouragement, stories of how other people do it, another perspective, and a chance to look deep inside themselves, they will figure out how to deal with their problems. They will tell us a unique pain, and with us, they will find a unique solution.
And from them, we will see another way people can be hurt, and another way to deal. And we will see another example, not of proof that our technique is the right one, but that solutions can be found. We will gain faith in healing itself, in the fact that dealing happens. And then we feel less afraid of the world, and other people, and ourselves.
That's what we want. On a deep-down, selfish, id-level, that's why we're in this field. Fortunately, if we trust our clients, it works. And both we and our clients are better off for it.
--R
*I mean, yes, also, it feels good to help people, and it's a good thing to do. But there are a zillion ways to help people. We could have been medical doctors or massage therapists or accountants or fire-fighters or chefs or comedians or interior designers or plumbers or prostitutes. All of those make people feel better and/or improve their lives, and that's very satisfying and worth doing. But we are, for some reason, shrinks.
Shrinks become shrinks because we've seen how terrible the world can be, how much people can be hurt and hurt each other, and it scared us. We desperately want to know how to deal.*
When we're doing it wrong, we pick a theory or technique and cling to it as The Answer. We try to use our clients (and ourselves) to prove, over and over, that we're right-- this is the way, this this is how to fix it. And when our clients don't do as we say and get better, we react... badly.
When we're doing it right, we trust our clients to show us. We ask each person for their story, the particular way that the world and other people and they themselves hurt them. And we trust that with support, encouragement, stories of how other people do it, another perspective, and a chance to look deep inside themselves, they will figure out how to deal with their problems. They will tell us a unique pain, and with us, they will find a unique solution.
And from them, we will see another way people can be hurt, and another way to deal. And we will see another example, not of proof that our technique is the right one, but that solutions can be found. We will gain faith in healing itself, in the fact that dealing happens. And then we feel less afraid of the world, and other people, and ourselves.
That's what we want. On a deep-down, selfish, id-level, that's why we're in this field. Fortunately, if we trust our clients, it works. And both we and our clients are better off for it.
--R
*I mean, yes, also, it feels good to help people, and it's a good thing to do. But there are a zillion ways to help people. We could have been medical doctors or massage therapists or accountants or fire-fighters or chefs or comedians or interior designers or plumbers or prostitutes. All of those make people feel better and/or improve their lives, and that's very satisfying and worth doing. But we are, for some reason, shrinks.
