gaudior

Sure - if the phrases to which I was reacting had been posted by someone who looks a different gender from how they wish to be treated, I wouldn't have found it at all surprising and wouldn't have asked the question I asked gaudior. It doesn't surprise me at all to know that trans people find it difficult to be treated in a way that allows them to be who they choose to be (who they are? I don't know; this is an arguable area and I'm not sure what side of the argument I'd want to be on were I having it, which I don't want to be anyway).

I can believe there may be specific other cases that are similar, although none are leaping to mind. (Thinking further I suppose race, in some cases... H.L.Gates now comes to mind.) But I'm pretty sure gaudior isn't in any of those situations, and certainly few if any of the examples she cited seemed to suggest that sort of thing, so I was at a loss (now resolved) to understand why she felt that way.