Hmm. I mean yes but? Also? Maybe think about where the other people in your house might have genuine expertise or a reason to want to do things a particular way and try to find out about that if you're pitching in with it?
Because when people put things away in the wrong places in my kitchen, they're not just "the wrong places" because I am territorial, they are the wrong places because the people who are doing the food prep then cannot find crucial items. Sometimes for days. And ask each other whether the ____ got broken and thrown away. Etc. Also there are some items that have been deliberately put where the people who use them can get at them (I am not 6'2", T is not bendy) and putting them where the people who use them can't get at them is the opposite of helpful.
So your solution on the one end of "the person who is most invested should try to relax about it" is a good one, but it seems to focus on only half of the problem, which is that the person who is less invested should try to learn which things have an actual reason and do them in a way that is actual help and not just an unhelpful symbolic gesture of helping.
M is the person who washes anything that doesn't get clean in our dishwasher, and I think if T and I consistently put dishes facing one way or another, he should shake off any purely aesthetic preferences he has there...but if T and I consistently put dishes in such that they don't get cleaned by the dishwasher, even if they don't also get broken, it's okay for him to say something. Because "hey, you feel like you're helping, but you're making more work for someone else, and that's not helpful" is useful to know. Especially among fellow competent adults.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
branchandroot
(no subject)
Date: 2020-04-17 11:53 am (UTC)Because when people put things away in the wrong places in my kitchen, they're not just "the wrong places" because I am territorial, they are the wrong places because the people who are doing the food prep then cannot find crucial items. Sometimes for days. And ask each other whether the ____ got broken and thrown away. Etc. Also there are some items that have been deliberately put where the people who use them can get at them (I am not 6'2", T is not bendy) and putting them where the people who use them can't get at them is the opposite of helpful.
So your solution on the one end of "the person who is most invested should try to relax about it" is a good one, but it seems to focus on only half of the problem, which is that the person who is less invested should try to learn which things have an actual reason and do them in a way that is actual help and not just an unhelpful symbolic gesture of helping.
M is the person who washes anything that doesn't get clean in our dishwasher, and I think if T and I consistently put dishes facing one way or another, he should shake off any purely aesthetic preferences he has there...but if T and I consistently put dishes in such that they don't get cleaned by the dishwasher, even if they don't also get broken, it's okay for him to say something. Because "hey, you feel like you're helping, but you're making more work for someone else, and that's not helpful" is useful to know. Especially among fellow competent adults.