On whiteness

[gaudior]

In one of my classes today we watched the film The Color of Fear, which is a documentary about a therapist putting eight men of various colors in a room and not letting them out until they have deep insights about race. It was intense and cool and thought-provoking, with a hint of California. But nothing's perfect.

And it made me think. One of the things which one of the Black guys pointed out was that white people here don't talk about themselves as white-- we talk about ourselves as American, or human. (Did you notice the thing I did with capitalization there? That was totally deliberate). We'll mention the European country our ancestors came from, but if we're filling out a form, we don't check "Half-Russian, a quarter German, and a quarter Lithuanian, I think"-- we check "white." But you just don't hear about "white culture" or "the white experience" unless you're talking to White Supremacists. It's like white people don't have a race that matters to us.

But we totally do. And it undoubtedly determines a lot about how we see ourselves, and how we see other people, in ways we don't even think about. And since I would really, really like to not be racist and dumb, I need to learn to see what I don't usually see.



The first dozen things I came up with were all nots-- not having trouble getting a cab because of my skin color, say. But there is the flip side of that. I am white, and so almost all the movie stars look like me. So do almost all the television characters I watch, characters in books I read, comics, etc. For that matter, so do most anime characters (well, anime characters don't look human, but they look more like white people (hair color, skin color, eye color, eye shape) than like any other race, including, usually, Japanese)-- because (correct me if I'm wrong) people like Tezuka based a lot of their work on the work of people like Disney. Because Japan was trying to industrialize, and the very industrialized countries at the time were run by white people, so that's what the Japanese took to make over in Japanese ways.

Which leads to the other big one: because I'm white, I look like a lot of the richest and most powerful people on the planet. Because white people were good at invention and exploitation, and fortunately situated in a historical context, and managed to take over continents (North and South America and Australia) with lots of resources in them (well, maybe not Australia) and do things with them. So now members of my race are things like President of the United States, or the owner of Microsoft.

People of my race wrote the history books I read, and I have no problem at all finding admirable and hateable historical figures who are white-- hundreds of them. When I was younger, learning about history in school-- anywhere from the Middle Ages to the Victorian ones... I could easily picture myself back then and there, because (except for my incredible good health), I would fit in just fine. The people I read about from back then looked like me. And if I point to a historical figure and say, "Wasn't he amazing? Doesn't he make you glad to be human?", odds are good that he was white, too. All the major psychologists I can think of were/are white.

And I'm beautiful, according to all the fairy tales. The fairest in the land, lips of rose and cheek as white as snow. And good, too-- the white knight fighting the forces of darkness and all. There is some damn good sf/fantasy by people of color (Samuel R. Delaney, I love you), but most of the authors I read are white, and their symbolism reflects it.

Most of the places I go in this country, I'm safe. If I wander into somewhere that isn't safe, I know the police will try to protect me. And back me up if there's a dispute, probably. The law is, for the most part, on my side. True, I'm gay and Jewish-- but nobody needs to know that if I don't tell them. If I run into a KKK member, say, I can always nod and smile and slip on by, if I want to. And if I were to get into a fight with such a person, people would say that I was being admirable and sticking up for justice and for my oppressed brethren.

I know my vote counts.

I believe that I don't scare people. According to the people in the documentary, that's not exactly accurate. But I've been given no reason to believe otherwise. As far as I know, I am cute and harmless and no-one could ever hate me. I haven't committed any atrocities, after all.

Actually, that's the other thing-- I don't have an "ethnicity." Not one I'll admit to, anyway. I might list the above-mentioned background countries, but I personally don't identify with them terribly much. I think of myself as just American. But there's not much I can think of that ties Americans together. McDonald's... the Pledge of Allegiance... English... Halloween... pot... these are all, as my TA pointed out, things which mean different things to different people. And gods know, it's not like we have a religion or an accent or a climate or suchlike to tie us all together. The country is huge and still young after 300 years or so. So identifying as "American" is sometimes something which makes people feel empty-- but not enough to make us identify strongly as white.

Which is, I think, in no small part because no one can escape the fact that white people run the world, and white people perpetuated and perpetuate a lot of misery to do so. So if you're white, you have the choice of either a) embracing the race and saying "Yeah, we took over the world, and it's because we're the best-- strongest, smartest, whatever. Go, us," or b) saying, "Agggh, I have all this privilege and power, and I know I didn't do a damn thing to deserve it, and in fact a lot of it comes from atrocities-- and I don't want to commit atrocities-- but I can't imagine living without the power I have-- um, I'm not really white. Not really. Not in any way that matters. Can't we all just be human together and not let race bother us?"

Because if I look at the above, then pretty soon, identifying strongly as white sounds like gloating. Which I don't want to do, because, as I said, I know I didn't do anything to deserve what I have. I just got born into it. And I, as a reasonably empathic person, can see quite easily that if I were one of the people who didn't have it, I would be pissed. And I hate it when people are mad at me. And if I weren't careful, it would be terribly easy for that to turn into hatred for the people who might be mad at me. It already kind of is fear. I mean, one of the things I'm working on in therapy is the idea that anger can be okay, either directed at me or directed by me at other people. It's not an idea I'm at all comfortable with.

Which ends up meaning that all my interactions with people of other races-- or even with other white people talking about race-- have this lurking terror of saying the wrong thing. Because then I might offend someone, and then they might get mad at me, and gods know the anger which people of color are justified in having in this country could be so huge that it would utterly overwhelm me if even a little of it were pointed in my direction. Or at least, that's the fear. So I get very uncomfortable around people until I think they know me well enough not to blame me for things-- and even then, I get uncomfortable when race comes up.

This is icky. I don't like it, and I don't like saying it. But my not saying it wouldn't make it not true. And I would like to be able to get through this fear enough that it wouldn't interfere with my life and my relations with people.

Step one: admitting you have a problem.

On to step two...

Comments

[rabidfangurl.livejournal.com]

What does it say about me that I identify with the dominant cultural paradigm despite having one non-white parent and therefore a slightly non-standard appearence in the cultural context you are describing? I mean, I don't use the word 'white' to describe myself, but if you asked, I wouldn't say I was anything else, either. I call myself 'American' or 'human', as you say that you do.

So what does that say? Does it mean that I was conditioned to think of myself that way by the larger culture, or did I pick it up from my parents? Does it make me a bad person for *not* identifying with my father's ethnic group? Should it really matter? I mean, I don't *want* to think of myself as seperate from the larger group, even if other people with my skin color do. So, what do I do?

P.S. 'Diversity' has suddenly turned into a huge debate back at the Mawr, and I don't quite understand what all the fuss is about. But then, as I've stated, I identify with the dominant group, so of course I'm going to be confused by the ruckus caused by the minority that feels left out and oppressed, since, of course, I don't feel that way.

[ifnotnow.livejournal.com]

This is something I had to do a lot of in my preparation to teach (TFA mostly, but elsewhere also, I think.) The "classic" text, if that's even possible, is Peggy McIntosh's "Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack". It sounds like you may have read it already, since you're getting at a lot of her ideas, but if you haven't, you should look for it.

No one was ever able to give me a satisfactory answer about what step two looks like, and I haven't really worked one out for myself, either. Maybe for now the best step two is to help other people get to step one?

[breadandroses.livejournal.com]

Just in case you haven't read it, it's here.

Good post. not much more to say at the moment, but I'm pondering ifnotnow's question.

[wayman.livejournal.com]

I'll freely admit there are a lot of advantages to being white and that I've benefited from them without meaning to or even thinking about it, sometimes. It's not something I gloat about or revel in, but it is something I can accept and be somewhat grateful for.

But I've been having similar issues with gender for quite some while, and I haven't actually managed to come up with any positives that I think are positives about being male. Which is to say that all the things I can think of which are typically cited as an advantage of being male I see as undesirable.

Easier to succeed in business or government? I'd rather teach, build communities, care for a household, raise a family. Greater physical capabilities? So what. Male sexuality? OK, I admit I'm quite happy with Liesbet, but my greatest regret in life will, I think, always be that I will never give birth. Probably fifty or a hundred years ago I would have had a lengthy list of male-only or male-dominated opportunities for which I was grateful to have access to, but those days are long over.

Liesbet has a shirt which is sort of a collage of newspaper clippings, all of them clearly about women or having "woman" in a headline or advertisement. There's no shirt like that that I could wear.

It's a weird situation. I don't like to think about it.

[zeret18.livejournal.com]

How about being able to walk down the street alone with arguably less fear than I woman might feel? I think most men take that for granted.

[wayman.livejournal.com]

I don't know. Having had what I consider to be my share of random unprovoked assault-and-battery incidents from walking down the street (two, once with another male friend and once alone) I don't think this is something that is necessarily gender-biased.

[zeret18.livejournal.com]

Of course I understand that men are vulnerable to random violence, I do feel though, just from observing the way men move around in the world, that there is a certain level of safety they take for granted. I mean, I would assume that although you may fear assault or robbery, you probably don't actively fear and feel the need to protect yourself from rape. Maybe you do though.

[zdenka]

I guess I tend to get very grumpy when people try to tell me that I'm part of a dominant cultural paradigm or whatever. Because I don't care. My own ethnic background (Jewish) is important to me, yes, but mostly I'm a cultural magpie -- if I see something that makes me go "oooh, shiny," I will steal it and take it home with me. Which, happily, since I'm not talking about physical objects, doesn't leave any less for the rest of you. *grin* The cultural artifacts that I most love and most identify with (e.g. opera, Latin poetry, Ancient Greek tragedy, 19th-century English literature) were not created by people that I am descended from. When that stuff was being created, my ancestors were, I don't know, trying to stay out of everyone's way in Eastern Europe somewhere. I regard anything great or beautiful that is created by a human being as the common intellectual heritage of all humanity. (Though if aliens landed next door I'd probably start coveting their literature and music too.) As I see it, I have as much right to enjoy and appreciate Shakespeare and Homer as the Brits and modern Greeks do -- and whatever Jews have created that is good or beautiful, the rest of the world is very welcome to it. And the race or skin color or ethnicity of the creator is irrelevant. Alexandre Dumas was part black, enough that you can see it in his features if you care to look. For a long time I didn't know that, but after learning that fact, I still view his work exactly the same way and consider it part of my (created) tradition and my (created) heritage. So I dislike being told that I am defined by being in thus-and-such a group, when what I think of as "my" culture is something I have gradually and half-consciously pieced together like a crazy-quilt.

Sorry for going on for so long, but it's something I feel strongly about.

[sovay]

if I see something that makes me go "oooh, shiny," I will steal it and take it home with me.

I think the concept behind your icon is a rather good example of this. : )

[zdenka]

I like shiny icons! :-)

Hadn't thought about it, but this icon "steals" from at least three sources . . .

[homasse.livejournal.com]

OK, so, speaking as the Token Black Person...

It seems to me that white people tend to assume that, since their race doesn't figure in promenently--they *think*--in their daily life, that it's like that for all people. Which, um, it's not. It's why there are arguments that things like Affirmative Action are just reverse racism. People actually beleive this, and it makes most Black people give you the WTF? look. Because race *is* a big deal every day of your life when you're not white. Being black means your family sits around sharing "Pulld over by the cops" story, and when your brother starts his, he gets as far as, "So me and Jerry were driving through Mississippi..." and everyone starts laughing right then and there.

And you know, there's a reason why I refuse to go by African-American. I HATE that word, because, to me, it's just another form of hypodescent, claiming one drop of Black blood makes me African. My ass has never been to Africa, and if I went there, people would look at me and declare me White or Colored depending on where exactly I was. I'll go by "Black," that's fine, but "African American" denies my Native American and White ancestry, which is there and written clearly on my face and in my skin color.

Also, as a kid--and hell, nowadays--I could never get into fantasy novels. Whee, more books full of White people, and if I was alive in that time, I sure as heck wouldn't be the princess. When you know the time you live in now is, point blank, the best time for your race and gender, you tend not to be able to see fantasy as escapism. Or it's just me, I guess.

[prosicated.livejournal.com]

Can I ask what you *did* read and get into as a kid, or nowadays? (This is both for personal interest, but suggestions may get added to a syllabus of writing styles I'm working on for college freshmen.)

[homasse.livejournal.com]

As I really little kid, I read a series of illustrated Bible stories (they were so cool--they were watercolors and I loved the art. Funny, though, how they just ended up making me a really moral agnostic) and a series of books called "The Value of [insert some virtue here]," which were kiddified biographies of famous people--from Nellie Bly to Margaret Mead to Harriet Tubman to Confuscius to Thomas Edison--and how some virtuous quality, be it respect, curiousity, determination, creatity, etc, made them into important people who changed the world, even if it was difficult for them (they were also cute picture books--everyone had an imaginary friend that only they could see who exemplified that virtue). Those also were good for me as a kid, since I saw people from all over the world in good lights, not just White people.

But mainly? I read the encyclopedia. I was a dork that way.

I did read a lot of books set in the present--the book I remember reading the most I read when I was twelve, and it was Watership Down. I also read a lot of Young Adult horrors--all set in the present, and featuring lily-white casts usually, but not something where I would see myself as beng out of place if something like that happened to me. Things like Christopher Pike and RL Stine.

Nowadays, I tend to mainly read horror (Stephen King) and nonfiction (things like "Battle for God" and "Ordinary Men" and so on) ...basically, the same thing I read as a kid, only geared for grown-ups. XD

Also, I read a scary amount of manga, but that's mainly because I live in Japan.

[prosicated.livejournal.com]

Oh man, another encyclopedia reader. =) I read the phone book one night when I culdn't sleep simply because it was the longest book in the house. Put me to sleep pretty well, too. The encyclopedia was better, though, but the hard cover made it hard to read in bed.

That Value of x series sounds useful, I'll look that one up, thanks!! I'm trying to break out of the box on recommended writing samples -- we were suggested to look at a U.S. president's biography, an Austen novel, etc. Not what I want to put in front of a classroom.

[homasse.livejournal.com]

HAH! Found them!

Amazon is a good thing. XD

And yeah, avid encyclopedia reader. It's how I found out about the Holocaust when I was eight, and that ended up making me into a Holocaust Studies major in college, and hooboy if *that* didn't confuse the profs. >XD

[homasse.livejournal.com]

Oh, and one thing that I think is good about the ValueTales series is that, even though it was kiddified, it didn't balk and showing slavery and things like Beethoven getting the tar beaten out of him by his dad or Nellie Bly getting the tar beaten out of her in the insane aslym (my spelling has gone to hell. Bother.) or the discrimition Jackie Robinson faced, or that Marie Curie got radiation sickness. It was kiddie, but it was honest, in it's way.

[mixedborder.livejournal.com]

Which ends up meaning that all my interactions with people of other races-- or even with other white people talking about race-- have this lurking terror of saying the wrong thing. Because then I might offend someone, and then they might get mad at me, and gods know the anger which people of color are justified in having in this country could be so huge that it would utterly overwhelm me if even a little of it were pointed in my direction. Or at least, that's the fear. So I get very uncomfortable around people until I think they know me well enough not to blame me for things-- and even then, I get uncomfortable when race comes up.

Unfortunately, this is very true of me too. And it does make me feel icky.
In "Dykes to watch out for," mention is made of Madwimmin Books having an "Unlearning racism" section. So I assume there must, in fact, be books on the subject...