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3) Take it easy on yourself.
So, I had meant to write a much longer and more inspirational post about looking for the helpers, and generally being inspired by how much so many people are doing to protect and care for each other. And I will certainly write that post soon.
But today, I am tired, and I have been talking to people who are scared and ashamed and angry and sad, and it is Friday evening, and the weekend will be its own combination of restful and challenging (we have a three-year old). So I'm gonna say to you all what I would say to me, if I were my therapist.
Which is: you do not have to do "being in a pandemic" well. Nobody knows how to do this. Epidemiologists know what the disease does, and how people can slow its spread, and I'm so very glad they do, but they don't know how to live in it. We all have instructions about social distancing and handwashing, and we are doing the best we can with those, and no-one is doing them perfectly.
And that's just how it is. I'd like to say, "and that's okay," but how should I know? I've never been in a pandemic before either; I don't know what little actions will turn out to be not worth worrying over, and which ones will have huge consequences. It's possible we'll look back in the fall and think, "wow, I wish I'd done xyz in March!" but we just can't know now what exactly those are.
But I do know: our best will not be perfect. There will be a curve of diminishing returns of how much we stress about doing things right and how much of a difference it makes, but even if we drive ourselves utterly to exhaustion trying to scrub every object, it will still not be perfect. Maybe that's okay. Maybe that's going to hurt people. We can't know.
But what we can know is that we need to accept imperfection. We need to know our limits, and when we reach them, we need to not try to push ourselves further. We need to accept when we're tired, and when we're heartsore, and when we need a hug or some music or some games on our phone. Imperfection is what we have, and imperfect is how we are all made, and it does not deserve to be punished.
Do what you can do. There are things you cannot do. You don't have to be happy about that, but it is how it is, and maybe you can just know that, and let it be.
You, no matter who you are, have already made significant effort and sacrifice to protect vulnerable people from this disease. Maybe, for right this second, that's enough.
Take care, all.
--R
So, I had meant to write a much longer and more inspirational post about looking for the helpers, and generally being inspired by how much so many people are doing to protect and care for each other. And I will certainly write that post soon.
But today, I am tired, and I have been talking to people who are scared and ashamed and angry and sad, and it is Friday evening, and the weekend will be its own combination of restful and challenging (we have a three-year old). So I'm gonna say to you all what I would say to me, if I were my therapist.
Which is: you do not have to do "being in a pandemic" well. Nobody knows how to do this. Epidemiologists know what the disease does, and how people can slow its spread, and I'm so very glad they do, but they don't know how to live in it. We all have instructions about social distancing and handwashing, and we are doing the best we can with those, and no-one is doing them perfectly.
And that's just how it is. I'd like to say, "and that's okay," but how should I know? I've never been in a pandemic before either; I don't know what little actions will turn out to be not worth worrying over, and which ones will have huge consequences. It's possible we'll look back in the fall and think, "wow, I wish I'd done xyz in March!" but we just can't know now what exactly those are.
But I do know: our best will not be perfect. There will be a curve of diminishing returns of how much we stress about doing things right and how much of a difference it makes, but even if we drive ourselves utterly to exhaustion trying to scrub every object, it will still not be perfect. Maybe that's okay. Maybe that's going to hurt people. We can't know.
But what we can know is that we need to accept imperfection. We need to know our limits, and when we reach them, we need to not try to push ourselves further. We need to accept when we're tired, and when we're heartsore, and when we need a hug or some music or some games on our phone. Imperfection is what we have, and imperfect is how we are all made, and it does not deserve to be punished.
Do what you can do. There are things you cannot do. You don't have to be happy about that, but it is how it is, and maybe you can just know that, and let it be.
You, no matter who you are, have already made significant effort and sacrifice to protect vulnerable people from this disease. Maybe, for right this second, that's enough.
Take care, all.
--R
