Anti-bullying signal-boost.

[gaudior]

People have been talking about bullying lately. Dan Savage's It Gets Better Project has drawn attention to the suicides of gay teenagers, and has inspired the Make It Better Project, to give youth and concerned adults the tools they need to stop bullying in the schools. (I strongly recommend MIBP's Take Action page, which has such useful links as information about The Safe Schools Improvement Act (H.R. 2262/S. 3739) and how you can support it). And both homasse and seishonagon linked to an insightful and useful article by Kate Harding, On Good Kids and Total Assholes.

I'm glad people are talking about this so much-- it's making me think about my own childhood, and how much I accepted kids making fun of me, ostracizing me, and generally making me miserable as "just the way things are." That understanding of the universe and my place in it had long-lasting effects, and I am delighted and grateful that people now are talking seriously about how to stop bullying.

(I may at some point make a larger post, but at the moment, I wanted to signal-boost. Yay, signal-boosting.)

--R

Comments

[ashnistrike.livejournal.com]

(Gaudior, let me know if this is getting too far off the topic of the post, and I'll bow out. I don't want to derail.)

For the vast majority of people, changing their diet and exercise will improve their health. I'm 5'1 and 100 pounds, and my doctor tells me that I need to exercise more and eat more salad. My doctor also bothered to look at my cholesterol values and general health before telling me that, but it's pretty good advice for anyone regardless of BMI.

Gaudior, below, pretty much covers my opinion of the fat acceptance movement. Short version: I think they oversimplify, and for much the same reason that DARE gets kids to try drugs. Massively overstate the danger of anything, and it's inevitable that some people will understate it. I've also seen a lot of friends, listening to the fat acceptance movement, get over their guilt about body size enough to actually do something about their health.

I've got a couple of stories that illustrate my problem with the emphasis on body size. First, I have one friend who's been massively overweight for the entire time I've known her. For most of her life, she had stomach troubles, which her doctors chalked up to her weight. They all told her to diet and didn't bother inquiring further. Two years ago, a doctor actually did some tests, identified a gall bladder disorder, a couple of dietary sensitivities, and the massive stress of her job. She got gall bladder surgery, a specific diet tailored to her actual body, and meditation lessons. All of this helped her health in general--not to mention started her being able to lose weight for the first time--a lot more than just being told that she lacked willpower.

Another friend, maybe 50-75 pounds overweight, got married last year and started to think about having kids. Her doctor immediately told her that she shouldn't even try till she'd lost an amount of weight that can't be lost in any healthy way in less than a year or two. She's 40, so this may not have been the most helpful advice in the world.

The issue is not that doctors tell people that being fat is unhealthy. The issue is that many doctors refuse to tell people anything else.

[nightengalesknd.livejournal.com]

"The issue is that many doctors refuse to tell people anything else"

I would agree with this, and add that many doctors bring up weight whether it is relevant to the patient's current health concern or not. They bring up weight as a moral issue rather than a health issue when it is relevant. The result is that many patients then avoid seeking health care for any reason because they understandibly don't want to be the recipients of these messages.

[gaudior.livejournal.com]

They bring up weight as a moral issue rather than a health issue when it is relevant. The result is that many patients then avoid seeking health care for any reason because they understandibly don't want to be the recipients of these messages.

This! Very, very this!

[tiamat360.livejournal.com]

I've also seen a lot of friends, listening to the fat acceptance movement, get over their guilt about body size enough to actually do something about their health

Okay. So, right now my thought is that we have encountered two vastly different aspects (proponents?) of the "Fat Acceptance" movement. Because, this? Sounds like a great thing.

But what I've encountered is 1) people who claim that being fat is in no way detrimental to one's health (this includes Kate Harding), and 2) people who ostracize others in the movement if they decide to lose weight. And neither of those things, to me, is acceptable, even if the idea of support groups for people who are overweight/obese is a great one.

[ashnistrike.livejournal.com]

Okay. So, right now my thought is that we have encountered two vastly different aspects (proponents?) of the "Fat Acceptance" movement.

That's quite possible. I've never encountered or been part of a movement that didn't have a few very loud idiots. And I'm glad you're not objecting to the existence of the whole movement, which was my original interpretation.

I'm sorry that you've had to deal with (2). That's horrible. One of these days, humans will learn how to accept that people can choose differently from them without seeing that choice as a criticism.

[gaudior.livejournal.com]

I also think it's worth noticing that changing lifestyles is a lot of work, and while it's a good idea, it may not be a person's priority at the moment.

The last time I went to my doctor, he asked about lifestyle and exercise (I don't, really), and then he showed me how my weight had been increasing over the past five years, and talked a bit about metabolism and aging. And then he said that since I was about to quit both my jobs and move across the country, now might not be the right time for me to make huge lifestyle changes, but this was something it was useful for me to be aware of. And I said thank you, and have been thinking more about diet and exercise, and once I finish doing a huge home repair project (hauling 500 bricks totally counts as an exercise program, I am just saying), will start actually doing push-ups and sit-ups and stair-climbing and things that I haven't done for years cuz they annoy me. I'm glad my doctor talked to me about this, but I'm really glad he talked to me about it in a way which was respectful, not pushy, and acknowledged that he was asking me to do something which is not easy. I think that's really, really, really important.

[gaudior.livejournal.com]

She got gall bladder surgery, a specific diet tailored to her actual body, and meditation lessons. All of this helped her health in general--not to mention started her being able to lose weight for the first time--a lot more than just being told that she lacked willpower.

This! I think it's super-useful to keep in mind that even if weight is the main problem, losing weight can be a major, complex process, which works differently for different people.

One of the most effective things I've seen was a nutritionist who worked by meeting with her clients every week, discussing what they ate and when and how they felt about it and what they were thinking about when they did. And what exercise they did and when and how they felt about it and what they were thinking about. And I believe that she worked on the principle (and tiamat360 pointed this out in conversation yesterday, and I think it's vital) that lifestyle changes were changes, real and permanent-- this was not "going on a diet" which the clients would then go off again later, this was actually making a significant and permanent decision about how they lived. And that requires much more thought than just telling people, "okay, eat less and exercise."