Vanity post-- on parenting
Oct. 27th, 2010 11:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gaudior(So, sometimes you write something online somewhere, and you know nobody saw it or will see it because the conversation has ended and people have moved on, but you like it. And then you're like, "wait, I have a livejournal, where I can put anything I want! I'm gonna put it there! Hah!" And then you do.)
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ashnistrike linked to an interesting article on legal issues around parenting with more than two parents.
In the comments section, people immediately took the "OMG U R attacking teh Amurrican Family O NOES!" tactic. In particular, a commenter called AFBOA, in response to an earlier comment, said:
Okay, if I "lose", then according to you there's no such thing as a special mother-child bond. There's no such thing as a daddy's little girl. There's no girl talk between a mother and a daughter. There's no father who teaches his son how to be a man. There's no woman who teaches her daughter how to be a woman. If I lose, according to you, there is no difference between men and women. Fathers and mothers are interchangeable pieces who can exercise their "right" to children.
Of course same-gender parents can create a stable and loving environment for children and be successful at it. But same-gender parents are not the ideal, and should never be equated with a mother and father.
Now go back to looking forward to December 24 when Santa Claus comes.
I responded:
@ AFBOA: "If I lose, according to you, there is no difference between men and women."
Well... yes. Precisely. While I can see the value of different genders-- masculine strength and feminine nurturance-- I don't see any reason for those genders to be linked to biological sex. A man can do a great job of mothering a child by providing comfort and soothing, by teaching the child to cook and clean and sew and take care of babies, by talking about the child's future love and relationships and home. A woman can do a great job of fathering a child by teaching the child to explore and adventure, to grow stronger and more daring, by teaching the child to play sports and ride a bike and do carpentry, by talking about the child's future career and education and goals.
I agree strongly that a child needs both these kinds of parenting; someone to teach the child how to venture out in the world and master it with strength and wisdom, and someone to create a safe and loving home to return to and rest before venturing out again. Both of those things are necessary for a child to grow strong. But there's no reason that which parent does which should be segregated by biological sex-- nor that both kinds of parenting can't be done by both (or more) parents. The fact that it's traditional to divide it along sex-lines doesn't make it the only way that's possible or desirable. And even leaving aside questions of same-sex parents or divorce-- in a world where one parent may die, it is crucial for all parents to be able to do all the tasks of parenting.
--R
Reading: Terry Pratchett, I Shall Wear Midnight.
ashnistrike linked to an interesting article on legal issues around parenting with more than two parents. In the comments section, people immediately took the "OMG U R attacking teh Amurrican Family O NOES!" tactic. In particular, a commenter called AFBOA, in response to an earlier comment, said:
Okay, if I "lose", then according to you there's no such thing as a special mother-child bond. There's no such thing as a daddy's little girl. There's no girl talk between a mother and a daughter. There's no father who teaches his son how to be a man. There's no woman who teaches her daughter how to be a woman. If I lose, according to you, there is no difference between men and women. Fathers and mothers are interchangeable pieces who can exercise their "right" to children.
Of course same-gender parents can create a stable and loving environment for children and be successful at it. But same-gender parents are not the ideal, and should never be equated with a mother and father.
Now go back to looking forward to December 24 when Santa Claus comes.
I responded:
@ AFBOA: "If I lose, according to you, there is no difference between men and women."
Well... yes. Precisely. While I can see the value of different genders-- masculine strength and feminine nurturance-- I don't see any reason for those genders to be linked to biological sex. A man can do a great job of mothering a child by providing comfort and soothing, by teaching the child to cook and clean and sew and take care of babies, by talking about the child's future love and relationships and home. A woman can do a great job of fathering a child by teaching the child to explore and adventure, to grow stronger and more daring, by teaching the child to play sports and ride a bike and do carpentry, by talking about the child's future career and education and goals.
I agree strongly that a child needs both these kinds of parenting; someone to teach the child how to venture out in the world and master it with strength and wisdom, and someone to create a safe and loving home to return to and rest before venturing out again. Both of those things are necessary for a child to grow strong. But there's no reason that which parent does which should be segregated by biological sex-- nor that both kinds of parenting can't be done by both (or more) parents. The fact that it's traditional to divide it along sex-lines doesn't make it the only way that's possible or desirable. And even leaving aside questions of same-sex parents or divorce-- in a world where one parent may die, it is crucial for all parents to be able to do all the tasks of parenting.
--R
Reading: Terry Pratchett, I Shall Wear Midnight.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2010-10-27 04:46 pm (UTC)Nine
(no subject)
Date: 2010-10-27 05:17 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-10-27 05:36 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-10-27 05:41 pm (UTC)I almost sent that article to you, but then I assumed you'd seen it.
The fact that it's traditional to divide it along sex-lines doesn't make it the only way that's possible or desirable. And even leaving aside questions of same-sex parents or divorce-- in a world where one parent may die, it is crucial for all parents to be able to do all the tasks of parenting.
Go, you.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-10-27 06:04 pm (UTC)Just by having a man and a woman in the same house, you haven't guaranteed that every task and skill will be covered forever. People like your commenter seem terrified by this.
And yeah, Bobby's father makes a pretty awesome mom.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-10-28 12:29 am (UTC)Also, well done on being much more temperate than I can envision myself being in response to such.
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