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gaudior4) Figure out how to get the right level of social interaction for you.
Which is tricky on more levels than you'd think, right?
Because first of all is the obvious level everyone's thinking about: all the people you don't get to touch anymore. All the family and partners and friends you'd like to be in the same place as, and how hard it is to not be. And we haven't found a good answer to this one yet, except that a) talking to them over the phone/internet/snail mail is better than not, and b) having someone you can hug (human, animal, stuffed animal) is helpful. (If you can't hug the one you love, then hug the one you're with.)(This may also be a good time to send people care packages.)
But then there are the less obvious levels. Like: the thing where many people are suddenly finding themselves with too much social. For one thing, suddenly everyone is home all the time, if the household has people who are now working from home, and people who are no longer in school, and everyone is in the same space, and how the hell do you get any alone time? And even if that's not the case, a lot of introverts are suddenly finding that everyone they know wants to get in touch and see how they are, which is so much more social interaction than they normally have in a week, and it's a bit much.
There are some useful answers to this one:
1) The Invisible Bedroom. This is one that I andrushthatspeaks used a lot when living in studio apartments: just declare that you are in different rooms, and you can't see or hear each other unless one of you "knocks on the door." This requires a fair bit of cooperation, but if everyone is on the same page, it can be very helpful.
2) Scheduling Introvert Time. If you have enough rooms that each person can be alone in one, it can be really useful to agree that there will be some number of hours, or some day, when that is what everyone is doing. (If childcare is involved, this may be in shifts). And if anyone does not want to be alone during that time, it's a great time for them to make phone calls/Zoom/etc.
3) Limiting Time Talking. Like, yes, it is very reasonable if someone calls you and wants to talk, that you let them know you're doing okay (if you are) or how they can help (if you're not). But I at least (maybe professionally) have this idea in my head that a conversation should take about an hour, if it's a real conversation. And... it doesn't have to be. It's okay to text someone who calls you, or call on the phone if they suggest videochat. It's okay to just talk for a short time, if that's what you're up for. It's okay to schedule talking later when you're more up for it. I'm pretty sure people are mostly just reaching out because they care, and would like to hear from you, but mostly because they want to know you're okay... and they wouldn't want to make you be less okay by overpeopling.
And then there's one other less-obvious level, which is: missing the small, anonymous interactions. We're not talking anymore to baristas and bus drivers and smiling at people walking their dogs on the street the same way, and that may not be something you liked at all, but you might find yourself really missing it. And it's really odd how, when you do see people out in public, they glance nervously at you as if you are carrying the plague, and hurry to put six feet between you. Which is entirely correct, at least, the distance, but I find myself wondering whether we could find a way to be friendlier about it? Like, yes, it's true that every person you see might be carrying a deadly virus that could kill you or your loved ones, but I think the more we can remember that they're not doing it on purpose the better off we'll be? The best luck I've seen with this is to make the six feet distancing steps of a dance-- meet people's eyes, step away with a smile, and try to indicate that you are doing this for each other rather than at each other?
So... that's what I've got today. I'm sure that I will have less prosaic entries in future, but today my clients, for the most part, were feeling pretty all right. I hope that everyone reading this can feel the same.
--R
Which is tricky on more levels than you'd think, right?
Because first of all is the obvious level everyone's thinking about: all the people you don't get to touch anymore. All the family and partners and friends you'd like to be in the same place as, and how hard it is to not be. And we haven't found a good answer to this one yet, except that a) talking to them over the phone/internet/snail mail is better than not, and b) having someone you can hug (human, animal, stuffed animal) is helpful. (If you can't hug the one you love, then hug the one you're with.)(This may also be a good time to send people care packages.)
But then there are the less obvious levels. Like: the thing where many people are suddenly finding themselves with too much social. For one thing, suddenly everyone is home all the time, if the household has people who are now working from home, and people who are no longer in school, and everyone is in the same space, and how the hell do you get any alone time? And even if that's not the case, a lot of introverts are suddenly finding that everyone they know wants to get in touch and see how they are, which is so much more social interaction than they normally have in a week, and it's a bit much.
There are some useful answers to this one:
1) The Invisible Bedroom. This is one that I and
rushthatspeaks used a lot when living in studio apartments: just declare that you are in different rooms, and you can't see or hear each other unless one of you "knocks on the door." This requires a fair bit of cooperation, but if everyone is on the same page, it can be very helpful.2) Scheduling Introvert Time. If you have enough rooms that each person can be alone in one, it can be really useful to agree that there will be some number of hours, or some day, when that is what everyone is doing. (If childcare is involved, this may be in shifts). And if anyone does not want to be alone during that time, it's a great time for them to make phone calls/Zoom/etc.
3) Limiting Time Talking. Like, yes, it is very reasonable if someone calls you and wants to talk, that you let them know you're doing okay (if you are) or how they can help (if you're not). But I at least (maybe professionally) have this idea in my head that a conversation should take about an hour, if it's a real conversation. And... it doesn't have to be. It's okay to text someone who calls you, or call on the phone if they suggest videochat. It's okay to just talk for a short time, if that's what you're up for. It's okay to schedule talking later when you're more up for it. I'm pretty sure people are mostly just reaching out because they care, and would like to hear from you, but mostly because they want to know you're okay... and they wouldn't want to make you be less okay by overpeopling.
And then there's one other less-obvious level, which is: missing the small, anonymous interactions. We're not talking anymore to baristas and bus drivers and smiling at people walking their dogs on the street the same way, and that may not be something you liked at all, but you might find yourself really missing it. And it's really odd how, when you do see people out in public, they glance nervously at you as if you are carrying the plague, and hurry to put six feet between you. Which is entirely correct, at least, the distance, but I find myself wondering whether we could find a way to be friendlier about it? Like, yes, it's true that every person you see might be carrying a deadly virus that could kill you or your loved ones, but I think the more we can remember that they're not doing it on purpose the better off we'll be? The best luck I've seen with this is to make the six feet distancing steps of a dance-- meet people's eyes, step away with a smile, and try to indicate that you are doing this for each other rather than at each other?
So... that's what I've got today. I'm sure that I will have less prosaic entries in future, but today my clients, for the most part, were feeling pretty all right. I hope that everyone reading this can feel the same.
--R
(no subject)
Date: 2020-03-31 04:40 am (UTC)That is the experience I have mostly been having around my neighborhood, which I appreciate: people casually negotiating who moves first or in which direction. The rudest interaction I have had so far was a jogger who breathed noisily into my ear as he ran by me, which would have been obnoxious even sans pandemic. A couple of kids on bikes have breezed past me without so much as an on-your-left, but I also consider that essentially normal teenage behavior, and they were moving fast.
The combination of underpeopled/TOO MUCH SOCIAL is definitely a factor in this household. I will nonetheless mention that if you aren't sick of faces on screens by the time you get home, Bertie Owen is just capable of running Zoom and I would enjoy sometime being on a call with less than twenty-to-seventy people.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-03-31 04:52 pm (UTC)<3
R
(no subject)
Date: 2020-03-31 06:50 pm (UTC)I will probably find it slightly easier the first time sans Fox, but, like, if he runs into the room or something, I will of course say hello like a person who loves him! E-mail me about times. I do not know what your schedule looks like these days. (I know you're still working; I just don't know if your hours are the same.)
*hugs*
(no subject)
Date: 2020-04-02 10:35 am (UTC)However in general in my area too I've seen people being quite overt and smile-y about negotiating passing one another.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-03-31 09:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-04-03 08:56 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-04-14 01:25 am (UTC)The husbeast and I have worked out a similar system with a visual cue - the unavailable person wears a hat.
The hat reminds you to leave them alone if you might forget and serves as a reminder to them that they have asked to be left alone. It's also very clear when they leave the invisible bedroom - no more hat!