How to Handle A Plague, 9) New cause, old pain.

[gaudior]

9) Don't be surprised if your pain about this takes the same form as your pain about other things.

One of the most upsetting things about this pandemic is that it is so far out of our experience. This hasn't happened since 1918, and this particular this, with the Zoom and the "social distancing" and the being able to hear people's last words half a world away in real time? This has never happened before. And we have no idea how to do it well.

But a thing that I keep noticing, and seems worth pointing out, is that everyone has some fairly familiar ways of being in pain, and those are what we end up with around this. If you hate yourself, you probably spend the plague thinking about how awful you are for not doing more to prevent it, and how badly you're dealing with it. If you're anxious, you're probably terrified right now, of getting sick, of someone you love getting sick, etc. If you're super-driven, you're probably overworking right now. If you normally dissociate, you're, like, fine right now, you guess, but for some weird reason you can't seem to get off the couch?

The problem with this is that your particular pain is really devastating for you, and the horror and uncertainty in the world is probably intensifying it well beyond what you're used to. The advantage of this is that, hopefully, you have developed some coping skills and ways of dealing with your pain.

So... do those things. I mean, everyone should wash their hands and such, but otherwise, treat the pandemic the same way you would normally treat a particularly bad episode of your depression, or your OCD, or your self-doubt. If you don't have any history of mental health issues, ask someone who does for advice.

I don't know why or how exactly our minds get wired to hurt in one or a few particular ways, though there are many many theories. But I do know that this means that even though the pandemic is new and strange, the way you're feeling about it probably isn't. And you probably have some idea of what to do with the way you're feeling, and it is 100% appropriate for you to do that, even if it's not what's right for someone else.

I wish you all good coping.

--R

Comments

[oracne]

This makes so much sense!

[jjhunter]

Oh wow. That's...rather brilliantly insightful. Thank you; I needed to hear that.

Part of how I deal with pain is processing through poetry: figuring out how to capture an experience so vividly that I can set it to rest, can always touch back on how that previous time I found a way on.

In case any of your other readers have pains that overlap with mine, have a few links to some of those touchstone poems - hope this helps you, whoever you are, to feel less alone with what you're feeling now:

What I Mean When I Say 'Depressed' (12.26.11)
Sensuum (7.1.13) - it is okay to have feelings /that terrify you
Where Light Gets In (11.5.13)
Load-Bearing (1.10.14)

[dancing_crow]

That is the first time someone has said so clearly that the pain is likely to be similar and oddly that helps a LOT, so thank you. It will make it easier to cope.

[snippy]

Glad I'm not the only one--that is, I knew I wasn't the only one to realize this but you've written it up well. I'm certainly marshaling my same responses as I have to other pain, all of which tie into childhood issues.

[ckd]

treat the pandemic the same way you would normally treat a particularly bad episode of your depression

If only I could. Unfortunately, "go to a con and spend a weekend being extroverted around a bunch of your friends while getting lots of hugs" is not very practical under the circumstances, no matter how well it worked as a way of coping with my divorce.

(I am using other mechanisms to the extent possible, but several of my more routine go-to choices are similarly blocked.)

[rmc28]

I hear you on go-to self-care options being blocked!

I am throwing myself at alternative options, and sometimes just saying "of course you're finding everything harder because X, Y & Z aren't possible right now" helps a bit, at least on the sense-making end of things.

(But it's still rubbish)

[ckd]

It is the rubbishest of rubbish indeed. We'll just keep doing what we can, which includes being kind to ourselves and others.

May you find both strength and comfort.

[sulien]

This, exactly! Though it's not having access to state and national parks and beaches for me. Being out in my yard and gimping around the block are not the same as being able to enjoy the forests or beaches and my psyche is not getting the recharge it needs.

[cesy]

Thank you.

[petra]

I find this observation very helpful in the face of all the familiar-pain-turned-up-high I'm dealing with. Thank you.

[sulien]

Excellent observations, thank you for this post.

My best wishes and virtual hugs to all of you in similar boats to my rickety and leaky old rowboat. :-}

[illariy]

Here via stayinside

Found this very useful! I have indeed been beset by my usual brand of brainweasels enough to have to check into the hospital again. *sigh* But I am getting out in just a few weeks and I am making plans on how to deal with stuff on my own afterwards. This contains some very useful pointers. Thank you for sharing!